So it’s new year and everyone is on the band wagon of “new year new me”, not me I can’t be bothered and if I’m brutally honest the only time I need to squeeze into something different to leave the house in is when waterproofs are required, as I’m to tight to buy a bigger size and definitely have out grown the before baby 5 and 6 arrived size.
But it has got me thinking, thinking about me.which I may add is very rare I always put myself last sometimes by choice sometimes because I have no choice. But tonight I’m thinking about me, sat eating cheese on toast and trying to work out who is me?
Before i find me, the guilt of been mum shouts up. Your a mum,a good mum (well not between the hours of 12am and 5am) you are a wife, cook,cleaner,care giver,farm hand,daughter, sister and best friend.This is what helps make me but not who is me. My children always come first, they are my world even on bad days when parenting seems the hardest job in the world, I still make sure they get put first and come first. But and there is a but this equally doesn’t mean it’s just who make me me.
I was a person before I was a girl friend, mum etc and this person has been compromised, put to one side, some what no longer exists. I’m not saying that this is bad and this makes me feel sad as it doesn’t. I just sometimes forget who I am,so that I’m to be who I need to be for everyone else.
So my New Years goal is to be more me, not feel guilty in allowing time for me, not worrying if people will judge if I’m not mum 24/7 and allowing myself to almost do a little self care.
Now I’m not loosing the plot to those that are reading this, I’m not in a dark place and I’m certainly not needing the smaritains this week any way. I just want to be able to do a few things I enjoy, meeting friends and socialising more with out kids in tow. Anyone knows trying to have a adult conversation while your phone is been rammed in your face and peppa pig been screamed at you isn’t a highlight of a coffee morning!
I’d like to do more things with Phil, just Phil not Phil plus who is left out of the 6 needing child care. We’ve not been out alone since I was pregnant with Percy! I want to do things with my mum and sister more, spa days, coffee and just rocking up at mums raiding her cupboards and having a catch up. And deep down id also like one night out with the girls every now and then and not be the sensible one who doesn’t dare drink as I’m having to get up to a whole tribe of kids at 6am!
Now for me this seems a realistic goal. It’s not to be achieved and finished by jan 2020 it’s more of a goal to become a lifestyle choice I’ve time and years. Hey I might even attempt slimming world at some point this year but the next couple of months isn’t about what I look like it’s more on what I feel like.
So this year if your thinking I’m not getting on the band wagon and joining the new year new me craze just have 5 minutes to yourself and think who am I, what would I like to achieve this year and allow your self a little self care time even if it’s reading a book or going to bed a little earlier to watch tv alone. Never feel guilty and never feel you don’t have the time sometimes you have to make it. You can’t pour from and empty cup
Happy new year 2019